ATTENTION: ROHIPNAL IS THE DRUG OF CHOICE HERE. Some bars or ladies will spike your drink and lift your wallet, money, watch, and phone from you. NEVER TAKE A BEER BOTTLE OR GLASS OF BEER FROM SOMEONE THAT YOU DID NOT OPEN OR SEE OPEN. THE BARS WILL DO IT WITH SHOTS. ALL SHOTS SHOULD BE POURED IN FRONT OF YOU!!! Most ladies will wait until you're alone and drunk with them in your hotel, then offer you a beer in a glass from your hotel bar, this is when they get you.

Ladies, you are just as vulnerable. Do not think that this is a man thing only!

ALWAYS TREAT THE PEOPLE OF THAILAND WITH DIGNITY AND RESPECT!!
They'll remember you for all of your days, good or bad, they NEVER forget!! Whether you come back on holiday or on another ship, they will remember who you are and whether you were nice to them or not. Nice is good, Bad is not!

The ships will be moored over at Ao Makham Bay, the Customs Pier. A map was sent to give you an idea where you'll be. The Ao Makham is located at B-5 on the map of the island, Patong is A-4. The bus takes 45 minutes to 1 hour for the ride at your drop off/pick up point which will be the Patong Beach Hotel. It is free.

A taxi/tuk-tuk can do it in about 30-40 minutes. In the daytime, the ride should be about 400-500 baht. At night, it will be 600-800 baht.

DAY SPAS: There are many day spas on the island. Most are geared toward the females. It is a great way to pamper yourself. No men allowed at most of these, although you can request male massuses.

Prices start at 400 baht for the basic massage package and will go as high as 24,000 baht for the all inclusive massage, aroma therapy, mud bath, facial scrub, jacuzzi whatever your heart desires deal. The women that work at these establishments are schooled and will take care of your every need. Mind and Body Spa, Let’s Relax Spa and the Priviledge Spa are just a few.

Jungceylon Plaza houses several facial massages areas. Takashi facial massage is a great way to relax and enjoy a facial and a steam sauna.

Jungceylon Plaza: A new large shopping plaza has opened in Patong Beach. All the big name brands are in there.

MASSAGES: The massages here are awesome. Most massages are between 250-300 Baht an hour. They are the real ones. There are many different kinds of massages available to you. First is the standard Thai massage, this is not for the older person, they crack bones and bend you in some pretty unique positions. They use their elbows and knees to assist in the massage techniques. There is the standard oil massage, this is a good massage for deep muscle stress and pain relief. There is also a head, neck, hand, and foot massages, each designed to target a specific area of the body. The women that perform this service are schooled and professional. Sit back and enjoy this wonderful service provided at every hotel and street corner.

SOAPIES: This is a massage with a happy ending. There is only one place in Patong Beach, but several in Phuket Town (where you'll be moored). The place in Patong Beach is called CHRISTINES.

You can't miss the building, it's purple and yellow and it's huge. It is located at the end of Bangla Road, turn right, and walk about 300 yards. It is on your right. It opens at 1200 and closes at 2400 everyday. The prices start at 1500 baht for one hour of fun. It is a fishbowl as well. For those of you that haven't been to Geylang in Singapore, the women sit behind a huge glass wall (like a fishbowl) with numbers on their sides. You can pick which one you want and go. Now the catch, the prices go up as you move from left to right. Usually the older more experienced women sit on the left and are cheaper. As you move to the right, the women get younger and sometimes less used. All the way on the right are the youngest and usually the newest women working there. OH, they are also the most expensive at 3,000 baht for 1 hour. You can get more than 1 girl if you want, we recommend this at least once in your life!!! The price goes up for more than one woman, just so you know.

In Phuket Town (recommend), the place to go there is called the HAPPY VALLEY MASSAGE. It is the same set up as Christines. The prices are close to the same, maybe a little cheaper, but not by much. The deal with this place, is these women don't see many FARANG's. UH, ANYONE NOT THAI. They are much, much more appreciative if you show them a good time. Plus the massage and happy ending are not so scripted like Christines. The Plaza opens at 1400 and closes at 2300 everyday except Saturday and Sunday when they open at 1200. HAVE FUN!!!!

KATOEY'S: Ladyboys are a dime a dozen in Patong Beach. If you think you are a seasoned veteran at recognizing them, you're sorely mistaken. We just had a visit from a 15 year Officer and had been on WESTPAC before. We fooled him with a Katoey and his wife in the first 15 minutes of his visit. The program they have set up for these women is state-of-the-art. From the hormones to the plastic surgery to the removal of bones and normal male body parts, they do it all in Thailand for these once men. Most are pretty recognizable if you have spent anytime in Thailand, but some are really hard to spot especially for the novice. Most of the Katoey's running around Soi Katoey are women, it's just they weren't at birth.

(You can't miss Soi Katoey, it is where all the 6 foot Thai women are) 3rd Soi on the left on Bangla Road. You also have Katoeys R Us in Soi Happy.

If these "women" are your thing, so be it, we are the last people to tell anyone what to do sexually in Thailand, but remember they may look like women, act like women, feel like women, have everything a woman should have on their bodies, but they FIGHT like men!!!

If you decide that messing with them would be fun, be ready for the butt kicking of a lifetime. Katoeys are aggressive by their very nature.

They are expensive as well. A short time with them starts at 2000-3000 baht. All night will cost you nothing less than 5000-10,000 Baht. If you are not sure, ask them. Most are pretty honest about their life style. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES PICK UP A KATOEY OFF THE STREET, YOU WILL BE ROLLED OR POSSIBLY DRUGGED WHEN YOU ARE BROUGHT BACK TO EITHER YOUR ROOM OR HERS/HIS.

REMEMBER, THEY ARE MEN!!!

A young Marine decided he would give a katoey a try and a fight broke out when the Marine tried to throw the katoey over a balcony. The katoey went and got his/her buddies and they surround the hotel, arms interlocked with aluminum bats in hand! It took SLG, the 7^th Fleet Liason, and the Thai Police dressed in riot gear to get in and get him out, with him being beaten the whole time with bats!!!

WOMEN:  Would say without a doubt that the main attraction to Thailand is the women. They are fun-loving, beautiful, friendly, and always seem to be happy about life in general. They know what to say and when to say it and they can turn the most stone-hearted man into putty. With that said, the legal age for sex in Thailand is 18 years old. There are women that are younger, especially when the Navy comes to town, be aware of this! The discos are the biggest offenders of underage girls coming in looking for a good time. ALL women working in bars have to be at least 20 years of age. Women in the dance clubs may not be working there, so they do not have to be 20 years old. They must be at least 18 years old to be in the clubs. Now is this the rule, yes, is it enforced by the "look the other way guards" NO! Since you are a visitor in Thailand, you are guilty of underage sex, not her for not telling you she is underage.

Now guys, DO NOT make promises to these ladies that you have no intention of keeping, like sending money, coming back to see them, calling them, etc. Remember, you are just a job, nothing more. She wants your money, not your heart. I don't care how good you think you are in bed or even how good she told you were, you WILL be replaced the day you leave!!

Be nice, enjoy the company of the beautiful women here for the time of your visit, but unless you plan on staying indefinitely, keep "I LOVE YOU" to yourself as well as any information about your banking set-up. Do not set up bank accounts for them or send money by wire. They always have a crisis and you will be without money quickly if you fall for this deal. I have seen it time and time again. She will not stop working while you are away sending her money. NEVER!! Most of the women that work for me have more money in their bank accounts than I do. Keep that in mind if you are thinking about supporting them from the outside. There is one born every minute, though.

As for the Western Ladies, the Thai ladies are very interested in you and your lifestyle. Do not disrespect them because of their job trade. THEY ARE NOT HOOKERS!!!!!

We had a young female sailor visit the bar with her ship. One our my girls asked her about her perfume, clothes and make-up. How she applied it, what it was, etc. This female sailor assisted one woman the my bar with her make-up to prepare her for the night. Instantly, ALL the ladies went and washed their faces and stood in line for up to an hour waiting to have this young western woman help them look more desirable for work. Massive points. She didn't pay for another drink or food for the rest of her stay. The ladies talked to her endlessly about her life, her family, her clothes and her western ways.

PLEASE TREAT the LADIES AND ALL LADIES OF THE BARS WITH RESPECT!! IT IS JUST A JOB, NOTHING PERSONAL.

TOUTS: All the Ago-go's use touts to bring in business. You need to be aware of this. If you choose to let them escort you in, your first drink will be around 300 baht. Soda or beer, it doesn't matter. If you refuse to pay, be ready for the Tourist Police or just a group of Thai men helping you to find your wallet.

You can freely walk into ANY club here without using the touts.

ALWAYS ASK FOR A DRINK MENU AT THE AGO-GO'S!

BARFINES: There are 2 barfines in every bar. First is the barfine paid to the bar. It ranges from 200-300 baht in the everyday drinking establishment to 500-700 baht in the high end clubs. (i.e. Ago-go's, Sharkies)

The second is the girl's fee for her companionship. This ranges from 1,500-3,500 baht for a short time (again normal drinking places at the bottom and high end clubs at the top) to 2,000-7,500 baht a night, all night (same rules apply) The norm is 2,500 baht for all night. Take into account her age and capabilities as well, but always REMEMBER: EVERYTHING IS NEGOTIABLE AND THE PRICES CHANGE WHEN THE NAVY COMES TO TOWN!! The cheap days of Patong are gone for those of you that remember the "OLD DAYS."

If she is good to you, be generous. The women want you to come back to them so they will work hard to keep you interested. You will have to pay both fines whether you take her home for some recreational fun or for just shopping and dinner. The payment of these fines DOES NOT guarantee sex.

They are great shopping and dinner companions. They can get you good deals, they habla better than you and they know where everything is.

HELPFUL HINT: The only way most of the women make money is on your generosity. Meaning you barfine them or buy them a ladies drink. Most women do NOT make a salary. Most ladies drinks start at 120 baht and go up a little depending on venue. The girls make nothing if you give them nothing.

DO NOT PICK UP ANYONE OFF THE STREET, ONLY FROM ESTABLISHED BARS OR VENUES!!!! YOU ARE LITERALLY PLAYING WITH A LOADED GUN!!!!

We say this because women working in an established A-Go-Go bar has been checked for STD's. (and will get into this in a minute) Anyone working the street doesn't have to comply.

STD's (Sexually Transmitted Diseases): This should be your HMC's favorite subject. You've heard all the horror stories of AIDS/HIV in Thailand, that 1 in every 3 girls is HIV positive. These numbers are skewed, BUT do not be stupid when having sex with these girls. Most insist on condoms before you put it anywhere near them.

NOTE: The published number of HIV/AIDS infected people in Thailand is actually low. Most DO NOT go to the doctors to be diagnosed.

Last year, Patong had 2,900 diagnosed cases of HIV Positive people. They are not supposed to work in the bars after found positive, but not all bar owners care about the well being of their girls/guys.

But if you are the first to offer a condom, the affection and respect they will show you goes 10 fold in their eyes. As we said before, women working in A-Go-Go bars have to adhere to a check-up every week to 1 month. Women working in normal drinking bars are  required to see a doctor every 3 months. Some bars check their women, some do not. It varies from bar to bar.  Women walking the street do not have ANY program in place for your sexual health. This is the loaded gun we was talking about. We can not stress enough about these women walking the street.

The education of HIV/AIDS and STD's to the Thai working women has really improved over the last 5 years. They are aware of safe sex and it's purpose. But as usual, you always have a few that just don't care. Keep this in the front of your mind when having sex with these girls. They are all beautiful and loving, and when you add the power of alcohol, you can only hope to be that bullet-proof.

Ask for their medical card. Look at the last check-up for HIV and STD's. They will show you, no problem. If they don't want to show you, pick someone else. There are many to choose from, all willing to make you happy WITH a condom.

You can catch many kinds of STD's here. The most recent one is a young sailor that was here doing a COMREL in the northern part of the island. He decided to go with one of the nice girls he met. To make a story short, he picked up Herpes in his eye and lost almost 60% of his vision in that eye. Hopefully, you are all smart enough to know HOW you get Herpes in your eyes?! Unless you know the woman you are with well enough to be that eyeball close to her private parts, I do not suggest that you participate in this part of your love making process. Just a friendly suggestion.

We're sure that your Medical Department will make condoms available for you on the Quarterdeck, but if you find yourself without, come see us at the bar, we can go into the pharmacies for you and are willing to do so, no problem.

BE SAFE, USE A CONDOM EVERY TIME!!!!

ATMS/BANKS: ATMS are on every corner. They are all safe and take all forms of ATM cards with the exception of one.  HEED THIS!!! THE ARMED FORCES BANK ATM CARD CAN ONLY BE USED AT THE THAI MILITARY ATM’S OR BANKS. Whatever communication language they put into the metallic strip on that card makes it worthless in Thailand with the exception of the Thai Military Bank. If you want to take out a cash withdrawl with it at a bank, you can. You MUST have a passport to do it, Thailand does not know what a Military ID is.

EXCHANGE WINDOWS: All exchange windows close at 2100. Change your money before this. Not all bars or businesses take US money and the exchange rate will not be close to the windows. We can exchange up to 100.00 USD anytime. It is suggested that you use exchange windows located at banks or the smaller bank exchange booths spread throughout the city. The exchange booths with no bank name, charge higher rates and possible forgery issues as well. If you're not sure where a reliable bank exchange window is located, ask us at the Bar and we'll be glad to show you.

CREDIT CARDS: Avoid using your credit card PERIOD or in places that do not use an electronic sweep machine. Otherwise, ask for the carbon receipt and tear it up yourself. They can print your credit card 50 times in 1 hour. Credit card fraud is everywhere here. If you don't have to use your credit card here, we suggest you leave it at home or on the ship.

Make sure you bring more than one card for money. Communications with the ATM's here is spotty. Your card could work one day and then not work another. More than one card helps eliminate any problems. Make sure when you use your card here, you are in a well populated area. Being alone at night at an ATM is a sure way to get robbed. This holds true in most cities around the world, but by our living standards, Thailand is 3rd world and the biggest, baddest man or woman doesn't stand a chance against multiple attackers. They NEVER come in "ones." Draw out what you need. You can always go back to the ATM. Don't go showing big money around. Between the Thai men and the katoeys that will remove it from your body, and the spiking of shots, if you show it, they will take it.

PASSPORTS: GET ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!! If you are still running around using your Military ID for things, you're way behind the times. GET YOUR PASSORT. With the times the way they are, you should only have that ID out when coming and going to the ship. Otherwise, stow it. Your actions, your dress, and your attitude when on the beach make you an easy target, why compound it by using your Military ID in public.

DRUGS: YABBA and ICE are the street drugs here. Yabba is a variant of Crystal Meth and ICE is the new addiction drug. Yabba is everywhere. ICE is like crack, 1 hit and you are hooked for life or maybe dead. Cocaine and opium can be had as well. If you value your life or your career, steer clear of all drugs here!!! The jail sentences here are stiff for even a minor offense. Anyone approaching you on the street to try and get you to buy even Viagra is most likely working for the POLICE. Be aware of this and PLEASE walk away. REMEMBER, you have no SOFA here, no rights, no nothing. The jails here are not like the States. Depending on the violation, will depend on whether you can pay to get out. You will first stand trial here before being released to the US Authorities to do your time there.

Last time we checked, 1 yabba pill, 1 year. A dime bag of marijuana can get you up to 5 years and your fine just depends on the leancy of the judge, 1 gram of cocaine or heroin can get you up to 99 years. Your fine is the same as above. NO PAROLE, EVER!!! You will not be released to US authorities for a serious crime here, you will serve your time in a Thai prison.

NATIONALISM: Thailand is the only country in Southeast Asia that has never been colonized. They're also the only remaining country in the world that has a true reigning Monarch. His Majesty The King and Queen are revered by ALL Thai's. NEVER under any circumstances make jokes or disrespect the ROYAL FAMILY. 

FIGHTING: DO NOT meddle in ANY Thai business. If you see a fight between a Thai lady and Thai man, stay out of it. It is in our very nature to go to the woman's "rescue," DO NOT DO THIS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!!! You can be stabbed immediately after your "rescue" or even worse, the 2 people that were fighting will turn on you. Despite the outward friendliness and "Thai smiles", Thai's generally do not like foreigners. It is nothing personal, they just could care less. They don't care if they can speak English and up until about 5 years ago, this was really true. English is now taught in the schools, but most Thai's that speak any English, work within the tourism trade. They like things that are Thai. Music, food, culture, and traditions. We always recommend to people that come here for vacation to do your research so you understand the Thai ways. A quick way to get on the bad side of a Thai is to put down their way of life. Don't get us wrong, they are interested in who you are and where you are from, but they won't know anything about the ways of any country but their own and really don't care other than general conversation. The way you do things from whatever country you are from is irrelevant to a Thai. If it is not the Thai way, it means nothing to them. If you come here and say "this is the way we do it back home" or "it's like this in……" you will make no friends in Thailand.

Under no situations are you to use a weapon. No ashtrays, beer bottles, or glasses. If you see this about to happen with one of your shipmates or friends, stop them!!! Remove them from the area and get them back to the ship or hotel ASAP!! The Thai's will stalk you for all of your days here. You could be jumped while shopping, having a drink with your buddies, or just walking down the street. They will come in groups. You never fight just one. NEVER!!! You will watch bars empty just to get a shot in on the unsuspecting young sailor or visitor.

Man or woman, all Thai's know Muay Thai and will not stop hitting you until the Police or SLG or both arrives to get you out of there. OH, and it's ALWAYS your fault, ALWAYS!!!! Be prepared to pay with your entire paycheck to be allowed to even leave the Country. It sounds extreme, but it happens. PLEASE, do not get in any altercations here. Just smile and walk away from any potential bad situations. Your liberty or your holiday time is what you are gambling with. Contact SLG or the Tourist Police immediately if something arises that you can not walk away from.

Helpful Hint: The Thai women are pretty forgiving of stupid tourists and Sailors/Marines. Thai men are not. This is a general rule but does not apply in all situations.

Young US Navy Women on the beach with young US Navy/Marine Men has brought on trouble in the past. We always encourage you to hangout with each other. There is strength in numbers.

SHOPPING: OK, on to another subject. Shopping in Patong Beach is fun. Everything is on a bargaing system, so don't be afraid to haggle. The Thai people like to do it, so jump in there. Bring a calculator for quick conversion if you need to (33 to 1 is an easy number to use) and since most Thai's English is so-so at best, use the calculator to talk with.

Remember, Patong is a tourist town and it never shows more than when the Navy is in town. The normal mark up is 500%!!!! Yes, you see this right, 500%. On everything from shirts to women. So if someone tells you they want 500 baht for something, you start your bid at 100 baht and do not pay more that 200 baht. Walk away if they won't move on the price, they will move on the price as soon as you say "no thank you" and turn around to leave. Do not under any circumstances be rude. They are trying to make a living and they will RIP you off no problem, if you let them.

So, here are the normal prices to pay for goods that I see the Navy liking to buy:

- Suits: 1 suit including 1 pair of pants, 2 shirts, 2 ties, a vest and coat - 4,000 Baht
- Thai style shirts - 100 Baht
- Sunglasses (ALL OF THEM) 100 baht PERIOD
- Brimless hats - 150 baht
- Muay Thai Shorts - 100 -150 baht
- Shorts - 150 baht
- T-shirts 50 - 100 baht
- The gold standard right now is 15,500 Baht for 1 baht gold weight. You know this as a troy ounce.
- Silver is cheap relative to gold. Whatever you can haggle them down to is fair, just remember the mark up rule. The standard 18" rope chain is about 800-1,700 baht.

CIGARETTES: This is a lesson learned. Here are the cigarette prices.

- LM - 60 Baht
- Marlboro Green, Light, or Red - 80 Baht
- Benson and Hedges - 80 Baht
- Corona Cigars 350 - 500 Baht (depends where you buy them)

CIGARS: There are 2 shops in Patong. One is by Rock City Niteclub and the Saxophone. The other is next to Molly Malones Pub. Many of the bars carry them as well, including my own. If you are a true advocate of this, you should know what is fair for the price of a good cigar.

Here is the lesson learned: Beware, if you give these people 1,000 baht for 1 pack of cigarettes they will give you back 20 baht for change to see if you are paying attention. Same holds true for 100 baht, but the difference in change back is a little less painful. Pay attention to your money!!!!

TAXI'S: ALWAYS GET THE TUK-TUK OR TAXI NUMBER OFF THE SIDE OF THE VEHICLE BEFORE GETTING IN.

Do not be rude if the drivers will not come down, just go to another taxi or ride a tuk-tuk. Taxi's are privately owned vehicles. They are owned and operated by Thai men. This should be your first set of bells going off in your head. They can show you the island and the tourist places for an astronomical price. Here is what you pay EVERY TIME!!!!

Taxi's are 400 baht per person outside of Patong Beach . All day, all night PERIOD! So if you want to go to Phuket Town to shop or get a soapie (covered earlier), it is 400 baht per person there and back. So if 4 guys go, the total price is 1,600 baht, not 80,000 baht like some certain sailors paid on USS last ship. And not 1,600 baht there and 1,600 baht back, 1,600 bath total! If there's an issue with these guys, do not get into a confrontation, contact your fleet rep or SLG immediately, if you're close to the bar, send someone for assistance.

Once again, NEGOTIATE!!!! But DO NOT BE RUDE! Just say "Thank you and walk away" if he is not willing to come down on his price.

If you want to go to your hotel, take a tuk-tuk. It is cheaper with a whole lot less hassle. Deal with no A/C for a little bit of time. But we can't tell you enough to NOT use the taxi's unless absolutely necessary. If you just have to take a taxi, the price for in town is 200 baht per person, PERIOD! Tuk-Tuks are 200 baht for all in town.

Read the next entry for public transportation.

TUK - TUK's: This is the best way to get around. Their prices are posted by law. If you do not see their prices posted in the Tuk-Tuk do not use them. OK, WORD OF WARNING:  MESSING WITH THESE GUYS BY BEING RUDE OR SAYING THE TYPICAL SAILOR/DRUNK LANGUAGE CAN GET YOU STABBED OR POSSIBLY EVEN SHOT MOST LIKELY BEAT UP. IF YOU DO NOT LIKE WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY OR OFFER, MOVE ON. There are literally hundreds of these guys.

They are the way to see the island and do all the touristy things. You can get to your hotel for 200 baht for 1 person or six. It is the same price for all, not each.

To see the island is about 400-500 for the day, for all, not each. Most tuk-tuk's can hold up to 6 full grown men. You can drink in the back, no problem, but PLEASE do not have sex in them. That goes for any vehicle. It is a big time violation of the Buddhist religion.

All prices for everything changes from day to night.

If your hotel is in Patong Beach, YOU CAN WALK to every place within the town limits. Patong is not that big and the bus you will come down on, drops you off in the middle of town.

If you have any questions, we'll be there when the bus drops you off and are available all day, everyday.

FOOD: Every food group is represented here. No matter what you like to eat, Patong Beach has it. The fresh fruit to be had here is worth the trip. Every fruit grows 12 months a year here and is juicy and delicious. Thai food as a norm is spicy, but it is good and cheap. During your visit, try the cuisine here. If you are not sure what you want, every restaurant has pictures of what they serve, so you're not unpleasantly surprised. If seafood is your thing, and Thailand is known for it, EAT IN CHALONG BAY!!! It is the best place to eat and at a fraction of the price of Patong. The restaurants in Patong are safe and clean, not to worry, but the prices are at least double of Chalong Bay. There's a seafood road at the end of Bangla Rd. on the left, just past the Tiger Complex.

There are steaks, pork, and chicken, all up and down Bangla Road. If you have the time, try the Green Man in Chalong Bay. It's a really good English restaurant and reasonably priced. Big portions and a really nice atmosphere.

If just eating Thai is what you want, come to the bar and order. You don't need to even get up unless you want to. You can eat, drink, and have much fun without even leaving the bar. We recommend this course of action. You can literally eat on about 50 baht a day depending on how often you eat. Again, the food is spicy. Try a little first before going hog wild. If you are not used to this heat, the food will clean you out better than ANY laxative HMC can give you. All the food served in our Soi (Soi Sea Dragon, 5th Soi on the left) is safe and prepared properly.

Try the assortment of fried bugs and insects. Good eating and they make good beer food. Hehehehehe. Never look at what you are eating or ask what it is, just eat it and enjoy.

Some prices:

- Fried rice, 40 baht.
- About any Thai dish, 45-75 baht.
- Lobster, 150-175 baht per 100 grams (a 2 kilo lobster, 5 lbs approx. is about 1,700 baht).
- Fish, 35-55 baht per 100 grams.
- Prawns, 45-65 baht per 100 grams (6 Tiger Prawns in Chalong Bay are about 125 baht, in Patong about 350 baht).
- Calamari (squid), 25-35 baht per 100 grams.

For those of you that have no taste in your life, McDonalds and Burger King is located on the Beach Road.

Pizza Hut is located at the end of Bangla Rd. on the right. You can order from just about anywhere.

Subway has 6 locations.

All have 24 hour locations and all deliver.

MEKONG/SANG SOM: This is Thai whiskey. There're several different brands and we'll go into the ones you DON'T want in a minute. Mekong and Sang Som are the same. Brewed by the same company in the same vats. Sang Som is a little easier to drink, but does not have the same KICK as Mekong.

The women drink this several ways and you NEED to be aware of this. The first is traditionally with coke, sprite or soda water, no problem. The second is a different story, They will pour half the contents of one bottle into an empty bottle and then add 2 bottles of red-bull to each. Then you drink this as a shot. DO A WATER BACK WITH IT!!! You will be thankful in the morning or at least later on in the day.

NOW, the bad stuff, Thai whiskey comes in many different colors. We discussed the first kind in the paragraph previously, now let's move on. There are red, green and clear Thai whiskeys. You can't read the label, but as soon as you smell this stuff you will know something is wrong. Gentleman and Ladies, PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH THIS STUFF!! This stuff has a punch like you have NEVER experienced. If this sounds frightening, GOOD. It will put you down HARD!! This stuff will introduce you to alcohol poisoning really quick!

Red is the common color and you will see the girls drinking it in many bars. Some serve it as their ladies drinks. So if you see something that is red and they are asking you to drink it, smell first and PLEASE say "no thank you."

Come to the Crows Nest and we'll show you what we are talking about, so that you will know.

SHOTS: Easy rule here: HAVE ALL SHOTS POURED IN FRONT OF YOU!!!!!!!! If you start to spend big money in some of the shadier places, they'll get you to not remember what you've spent with a spike of Rohipnol (Date rape drug) in your shot and will clean you out of your money quicker than setting zebra for GQ.

SLG: All drinks (water and soda) and food are free in the bar for SLG!!!!!!!

TRANSPORTATION: We offer a van at your disposal for a ride to Phuket town or to do the touristy thing. It is A/C'd, you can drink in it, take the girls with you while you shop. It is 200 baht a person. We also have a FREE ride from Patong to Phuket Town for suits. They will take you there and back from my bar and pick you up the next day for your 2nd fitting, bring you back and then deliver your suits to you at your hotel or to the bar FREE.

BEER: Here are some beer and drink prices. The prices will vary by venue. If you order a drink and decide it is too expensive for you because you didn't look at a menu first, TOO BAD, you have to pay. Ask for a drink menu before ordering, but here is a generality:

Chang, 50-75 baht
Singha, 50-70 baht
Heineken, Tiger 70-120 Baht
Victoria Bitter, 120 Baht
Bacardi Breezers, 110-200 baht
Shots, 60 baht for Sang Som/Mekong
100-120 baht for whiskey/tequila
150-200 baht for brandies
130-160 baht for mixed shots (i.e. B-52)
150-300 baht for cocktails

DISCOS: There're 8 Soi's now on Bangla Road . They're all on the left. Here goes:

1. Soi Easy with the Dragon Ago-go AND The Wave Disco
2. Soi Gonzo
3. Soi Katoey (6 foot Thai women, HUM) with Crocodile Disco
4. Soi Easy with Big Jim’s Ago-go
5. Soi Sea Dragon (our Soi) and where the bus will be dropping you off. We are on the right about 50 meters up with the ONLY Tattoo parlor on the Soi, some of the bars on this soi are Suzi Wongs, Playschool, G-spot, Crazy Girls, Show Girls and the House of Sound Ago-go, and the Spicy Girls Ago-go.
6. Soi Sea Lion
7. Soi Tiger with the Tiger Disco
8. Soi Happy with Katoeys "R" Us, Seduction Disco

Soi Sea Dragon opens at 0900 each day. Soi Bangla opens at 1000. All other Soi's open at 2000.

The Taipan is located at the end of Bangla Rd. on the left. Good dance club. Live band until 2400.

Muay Thai Boxing is on the left where the old Shark Disco used to be. Big purple building. Expensive. Real!!!

Other Soi's to see:

Soi Sea Pearl, 1 block to the North from Soi Bangla
Soi Dongtan, across from the La Salsa club
Soi Sansabai, straight on the end of Bangla Rd.
Soi Vahalla, next to the Taipan on the left, The ExPat Hotel is located in this Soi.
Soi Sukhumvit, Enclosed bar district behind Soi Sea Dragon with the Night Station Disco
SOI PARADISE --- ALL GAY!!!! Stay out of there unless that's your thing.

TABS: DO NOT RUN A TAB UNLESS THE BAR OWNER IS YOUR PERSONAL LONG TIME FRIEND. BIG NO, NO!!!

YOUR TAB WILL CLIMB EXPONENTIALLY AFTER YOU HAVE CONSUMED SOME POWER DRINKS AND ARE NOT PAYING AS GOOD ATTENTION AS YOU SHOULD. WE SEE THIS WITH EVERY SHIP THAT COMES IN. PAY AS YOU GO.

Lesson learned here. Last ship thought they were safe with a small bar and of course they weren’t, drinking too much to start. To late, their bill came to them almost triple what they drank.  35,000 baht between 5 guys in 2 hours?? Pay as you go in EVERY establishment.

BEACHES AT NITE: STAY OFF THE BEACHES AT NIGHT, PERIOD!!!

Patong has some of the most beautiful beaches in the world. In the daytime they are a hustle and bustle of people and sights. It is safe and fun.

At night they turn into a robbing and rape zone. Do not even walk on that side of the road. It goes for all the beaches here. Patong, Karon, Kata and Chalong.

By all means go see a sunset while you are here. They are beautiful. Then leave! Go back after the sun comes up.

WATER: DO NOT DRINK THE TAP WATER!!!! The Thais don't drink it either. It is ok to brush your teeth and bathe in it, just don't drink it. It won't kill you, but it will make you very sick.

DRINK LOTS OF WATER EVERYDAY!!! This will be your saving grace. The heat, the alcohol, and the food are harsh to the average person that doesn't live here. Water will protect your body, your money, and your liberty each time.

ELECTRIC: All electric in Thailand is 220 Volts 50 Cycle, be aware of this if you are bringing items such as laptops with you. Wall plugs vary as well, common 3 prong outlets are not the norm. Bring a 3 prong to 2 prong adapter with you.

INTERNET: Widely available, internet cafes are located everywhere, but there is no cable internet here, so expect slow connections, some shops offer high speed ADSL which in reality is just a bit faster than dial-up. Some facilities offer wireless for free and some charge a nominal fee. Connection speeds vary. In some of the other towns, speeds can be much faster. We have FREE wireless internet at the bar.

DRIVING: We are pretty sure you're not allowed to even get on the motorbikes here, but just in case. If you're planning on driving here while on vacation, you can rent a motorbike or jeep with just your passport, but if you are stopped and questioned by the police, you can get a ticket for not having any license or an international license. The rental places don't ask and they don't care, they are not liable for your ticket if you are stopped. The rental places are interested in your business only. If you have never driven in Asia before, (Japan and Singapore excluded) you may decide not to drive here after you see them drive! Driving here has to be seen to be believed. If you have never driven a motorbike in Thailand before, it is highly recommended you do not try while you are here. The lines painted on the road are just that, most drivers do not really follow them. Before driving here, take everything you know about safe driving and rules of the road and forget it. The locals drive by a different set of rules, probably the most dangerous driving you will ever experience (except for Cambodia, it's worse there). REMEMBER, there's a helmet law but only for the driver and a seat belt law, again only for the driver. The fine if you get caught is 500 Baht.

CROSSWALKS: Crosswalks offer you no protection, you do not have the right of way when in a street. The lines for a crosswalk are just like the lines for driving, they are just lines and mean nothing to the drivers.

BANGLA ROAD: From 1800 to 0500, Bangla Road is walking only. If you have a motorcycle parked on a Soi off from Bangla, you are allowed to move it down Bangla by pushing only, it cannot be running. If you have a car parked on a Soi off from Bangla, you are allowed to drive it down Bangla to remove it, but cannot use horns or flash lights, and you must drive very slow and not interfere with the people walking on the street.

OK, that pretty much covers it. If you have any questions, please feel free to email us. If we don't know the answer, we'll find out and get back to you.